|
Adult Survivors of Trauma:
Four Challenges in Marriage
1. The Challenge of Fear: Trauma in its extreme forms such as sex abuse generates numerous fears. These fears are often
compounded in marriage, where detachment from sensing and feeling, loss of self-awareness and even dissociation causes the
trauma survivor to fear normal marital interactions.
Many fears can be managed and even overcome with appropriate education. This includes education in the nature of trauma,
how it affects the mind and body, and how its symptoms can be regulated and resolved. Education grounds the survivor and
gives them hope that something can be done with their condition. It is also important for the survivor's spouse to understand
these facts and principles and to share in the education process.
2. The Challenge of Adequacy: So often the trauma survivor feels inadequate and insecure. This can be manifest in the
marriage when the survivor misinterprets their spouse's intentions, struggles in their role as a mother, father, or spouse,
and has no sense of efficacy or ability to make a difference in their life or marriage.
The same resources and strengths they used to overcome the problems of growing up and dealing with childhood trauma can
be used to overcome its effects in the present, especially with a supportive spouse. Discovering Personal Strengths is a
tool the survivor can use to rediscover these strengths and share them with their spouse or close friend.
3. The Challenge of Intimacy: Especially the sexually abused survivor can have problems with sexual and emotional intimacy.
An important criteria for assessing a client's recovery from sexual trauma is their ability to enjoy a healthy intimate relationship
with their spouse.
This can only be accomplished as they learn to accept as normal their body and its responses to loving contact from
their spouse. The Touch Continuum (a series of exercises) is one way survivors can learn to gradually increase their ability
to give and receive touch and eventually intimate expressions.
4. The Challenge of Social Competence: Sexual abuse leads to alienation from others, including spouse. Often, applying
correct principles of effective communication can help bridge this gap. This is communication that mutually validates the
thoughts, feelings and person with whom one is communicating. This is a skill that can be learned.
The Level/Vertical Communication paradigm provides a simple and easy to under-
stand format for survivors and their spouses to learn how to talk in ways that enhance their relationship and make for
communion as well as communication.
Larry Beall, Ph.D.
Trauma Awareness & Treatment Center
|
