1. It does not help to try to reassure the survivor with statements like "That’s all in the past you need to move on or get over it," "or pick yourself up by the bootstraps and get on with life." This tends to minimize the awful reality of what she has experienced. And the fact is these platitudes do not work or apply to the resolution of severe trauma.

2. The survivor needs to feel that she is believed and not doubted and that what she is remembering will not be dismissed or scoffed. This does not require one to say in so many words "I believe you," as it does to recognize and accept the reality of her feelings and pain. It is important that she feel accepted and not judged.

3. In most cases it is not advisable or necessary for the one providing support to hear the accounts of abuse or trauma. Rather, those accounts are to be shared with those trained to help her deal with them. But she can be encouraged to write them down in a journal to later share with her therapist. Also, while she should not tell her accounts of what happened she should be encouraged to share how she feels. Expressing feelings can bring much relief and does not burden the listener as much.

4. It is helpful to say things that are encouraging and strengthening such as "It took strength and courage to keep going when you were in pain," or "You kept taking care of your family when you didn’t have much help;" rather than statements that suggest she was guilty somehow, such as "You must have done something to get this punishment," or "somehow you must deserve this suffering."

5. Sometimes we are tempted to say things like "I understand. . .I had such and such that happened to me." The fact is we are not able to understand what the severely traumatized have been through. It is a highly personal experience and is best treated with respect, kindness and support. Do not presume you can understand. You can only support.

6. Research strongly indicates that only rarely will someone make up fantastic stories of abuse to get attention. It is hurtful and demeaning to suggest that the pain this individual is conveying is made up for any reason. It is better to quietly affirm and accept the reality of her suffering.

7. Research also supports the reality of repressed memories. Generally, when repressed memories emerge the survivor tends to try to keep these memories to themselves for fear they will not be believed or worse. Therefore, it is better to not question how these memories surface or why.

8. One of the most helpful things one can do is help the survivor become grounded and secure when they are being preoccupied and distracted by painful memories. This being grounded can happen by just helping her become better connected to her environment such as with music, digging in soil, talking with a friend, cooking, using her hands constructively, twisting a wet towel and such. Different persons in her support group can help her become grounded in different ways.

9. While it is important for the survivor to pray and use spiritual resources, it is usually inadvisable except for her priesthood leader to give spiritual advice such as you need to pray or go to the temple, etc. This advice giving is usually interpreted as a quick fix for a very complex and difficult problem. Often early in her therapy, the survivor will resort to coping mechanisms such as drinking, self-mutilation and having the company of unwholesome persons. As she progresses these will usually stop. In the meantime, it is not beneficial to condemn her for these misguided behaviors.